| what the hell |

THIS.IS.A.VERY.BUSY.WEEK. I feel more like a robot than a human. There's too many task, too many work, too many things that I need to put into consideration. A micro teaching, a lesson plan and a focus paper need to be submitted by next week. That's a lot. For a people like me.

I think I've come to a stage where I'm very desperate to finish those things. Last night was very crazy. Have been working on micro teaching with Izni for one whole day. Almost. But our effort wasn't good enough. Thus, we have to change the whole thing. I started acting like a child who are seeking for attention. Throwing tantrums, jump on the floor like one crazy bitch. The assignments is a big deal.


My academic tutor has started sending emails, demanding for our drafts. I think she's quite disappointed in us. Most of us keep procrastinating in doing the assignments. Including me. I've been absent from few classes. Not because I'm sick. I just don't feel like going.

Despite having heaps of assignments, I can't help but still thinking of you. And you. I didn't expect to see you last night. But I'm glad I saw you. It is just that I can't control the feeling deep inside me. What the heck am I thinking?? That's just a temporary feeling right?

Gotta get back to work. *Sigh*

| When I am too desperate to speak my heart out |

My life are getting more miserable day by day. I keep on thinking on unnecessary things. I am so tired with everything. When will it be easier for me?

I know that keep comparing myself with others won't make me any better but I just can't help but keep on doing that. My life, I think that it really sucks. I always make wrong decision where eventually put me in a state of depression. Letting go isn't easy but now it is not an option anymore. It is something that I should have done long before. Long before it get serious and lead to my bleeding heart. 

It is freaking annoying when I get confused between loving and liking. Or it is just a crush. Yes, it should be just a crush. I like him, I want him. Temporarily. That's all. Plus, he is such a jerk. For sure I can live without him right? 

Why can't I stick to that one person who always truly love me? Why can't I be like before? The loyal one. The faithful one. I keep telling myself everyday that I should stop being a bad girl. Karma will hunt me back for the sin I've done. I can't deny every mistake I did.

Aya, kau macam lalang. Tak ada pendirian.